NLCLAPLOGOFive years ago, the National Liberaly Consevative And Labourers Party, lead by myself (wearing a bucket on my head) took the 2010 general election of the United Kingdom by storm with 0 votes. You can read about our 2010 campaign by clicking here.

Five years later, another general election is looming. My public relations advisor has therefore decided that now would be an appropriate time to outline our 2015 Manifesto. In this post, I intend to discuss our party’s policies, plans, and break for lunch several times at the expense of the public purse.

Meet The New, Improved Cabinet

Facebook-20150405-033819 Facebook-20150405-033953 George_Agdgdgwngo b65919943dba1ab96adf33a9bc4349d7 Rusev-Tank Dale_Winton one-way
Danny King, Minister Prime
Christy McDermott, Deputy Prime
George Agdgdgwngo, Chancellor of The Exchequer
Alan Partridge, Minister for Transport
Rusev, Minister for Defence
Dale Winton, Minister of Supermarket Sweeping
One way sign on Tibb Street, Minister for Important Shit.

Taxes

thS1A1C9Z2Taxes are a tough subject for any political party, but we think we have the answer; scrap all taxes. No tax on income, no VAT, no council tax, nothing. At the end of the day, that’s what the people want, right?

So how, you may ask, will education, public services, council housing, the NHS, emergency services and The Royal Family be funded?

Good question. Firstly, we’ll hold a mandatory raffle once a year, for just £1 a ticket, and the prize will be one bottle of Tesco Value Gin.  By my calculations, there are 60.80 million people in the UK, and if each one bought a £1 raffle ticket, that’s 60.80 million squidlly-didllys.

Admittedly this is a trifle short of the required £694.89 billion that the UK government is currently spending, so we’re also going to hold a bit of a yard sale outside parliament. I’m pretty sure some of that old shit is valuable.

Transport

water-slideWe’re not arsing around on this one. We’re going to ban motor-cars and give everyone a bicycle. We’re going to ban buses and replace them with giant water slides that go from place to place. We’re going to keep trains cause I like those, but we’re bringing back the old slam door efforts. None of this plastic crap we have now.

Housing

Sure, everyone would like a free house off the council, but there are simply too many people looking for homes, and not enough homes looking for people.

The answer is obvious.

images89K6EUSWWe’re going to knock down every house in the country, private or not, and use the material to build a giant roof over the entire country. We take this matter extremely seriously, which is why our motto for this election is “One nation. One roof.” You’ll be allocated a set space to keep your personal belongings. If any of your stuff goes missing, you needn’t worry, because you’ll always know it’s in the house. Somewhere.

We’ll keep it hot in the winter using a giant combi-boiler installed in the North Sea, and keep it cool in the summer by opening the giant windows we’ll have installed to provide daylight.

Immigration

imagesZJ3HI5M8The beauty of our housing policy also extends into our Immigration policy. As there will only be one way in or out of the United Kingdom, the front door, we can keep a tight control on immigration. The back door will lead into the back garden, Northern Ireland, which will be fenced off.

We are going to be employing a giant army of robot dogs that yap and flip over occasionally to patrol our border. These dogs will be fitted with the latest technology to help them detect people without, or using, false, passports / visas, or just generally look a bit dodgy.

Anyone leaving the country will be asked ‘not to wander too far’ and to ‘be back in time for tea’. Anyone failing to return in due course will be sent to bed without supper.

Other Party Policies

  • Replacing ‘Dub Step’ with ‘Love Step’
  • The immediate exile of Katie Hopkins
  • Greggs The Bakers to give me the two jam donuts they essentially robbed from me in broad daylight.
  • Thomas The Tank Engine’s face to replace the face on every statue and monument in the land.
  • Facebook to be closed down and replaced by an IRC chat room.
  • Sting to be replaced with a robotic version of Sting.
  • Clap

REMEMBER.

VOTE FOR A KING! Vote for the NCLALAPCALFCBBCNBCYBIRDWhateverthefuckwe’reevencalled.

 

So, figuring I could pass some time this week by writing a blog, but having nothing of any value to write about, I decided to use the random topic generator to come up with a suitable subject.

accit
Great.

So, from what little actual research I’ve done into the topic, Analog(ue) circuits vary from digital ones in that there is an electrical signal, and that varies constantly, either in voltage or frequency or whatever, to convey whatever the hell we’re trying to convey here, whereas digital circuits obviously (or more commonly, anyway) use two or more states, 0 or 1, on or off, binary tackle, you know.

Anyway, a good example of an analogue circuit would be like a microphone or something. I don’t really know.

Anyway, deciding I prefer digital circuits to analogue ones, nVidia recently released the GeForce 960 graphics card. I’ve decided I want one.

I currently have the GTX 660, which is a mid-high workhorse that is actually serving me very well currently. I’ve had my PC about a year now so it seems about the right time to upgrade it a little bit. I already upgraded it with a new SSD and fans shortly after getting it, but I think a new graphics card combined with a RAM upgraded, would be nice. I’m currently peddling it along with 8GB of ram, 16 is pretty much a must at this point.

Anyway, ram is boring, graphics cards are sexy. In a printed circuit-board-y type of way.

I’m currently electing to go for the Strix GTX 960 from Asus. Particularly, I’m interested in ASUS’s DirectCU II cooler, which turns its fans off when idle to reduce noise (not that my PC is that noisy as it is) – plus I’m a fan of ASUS’s general build quality and general overclock-ability.

It’s a little bit less cheap than other brands 960’s but I think it’s worth it. Random case of brand loyalty I guess. My 660 is actually an MSI card and I don’t get along with it like I did my past ASUS cards, so, that’s probably key to my decision.

But then I’m muddled in the head about weather to save my money, plod along with my PC as it is, and invest in a Surface Pro 3 to replace the Surface RT which has unfortunately gone the way of the Zune and reach the end of it’s short but fun-filled life. The Surface Pro 3 is insanely expensive at the moment but I don’t think I could live without some sort of a Surface now. I could get some cheaper, smaller HP tablet with some clip on keyboard thing but, it wouldn’t be nearly as good.

Anyway, the new gadget drought is nearly over. One or more of these things is coming to a video near you. VERY EXCITEMENT MANY FUN.

So love

Danny

 

wzlogoThe following Retro Review, scheduled for one game, is for the World Wrestling Federation’s WWF WarZone!

The World Wrestling Federation (WWF, now known as the WWE) was going through some big changes back in  late 1997. The so called ‘Monday Night Wars’, where WWE and WCW fought head-to-head in the ratings, was reaching it’s prime. This was arguably the hottest period in professional wrestling, as both companies pulled out all the stops to make sure they beat the other.

Also taking off in a big way was video gaming. Brands like Playstation and the popular Nintendo 64 were making gaming more and more mainstream, just like wrestling. So naturally, the WWE needed a new video game to reflect this change in culture, and their new found ‘attitude’.

Acclaim Sports were brought in to publish the game, with a relatively unknown Utah based company called Iguana West handling the development. While Acclaim had published games for the WWE in the past, these were mostly lacklustre, 2D sprite based games that didn’t do a very good job at the wrestling or the game side of things.

With War Zone, a brand new approach to wrestling games was devised, thanks in no small part to the much more powerful hardware afforded by the Sony Playstation and Nintendo 64. Gone were the 2D sprites in favour of 3D models, and a brand new grappling engine was devised which made the wrestlers, well, wrestle.

406521-wwf-war-zone-playstation-screenshot-rostersThe roster of the game features all of your expected favourites from the time, such as Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Undertaker, Shawn Michaels and HHH (D-Generation X). Also included was Ahmed Johnson, Ken Shamrock, Goldust, Farooq & The Rock (The Nation of Domination) and The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart, Owen Hart and The British Bulldog).

But it didn’t end there, you see. Because WWF War Zone was the first game to feature the now standard Create-a-Wrestler feature. For all the retrospective faults of War Zone, this one feature defined the very landscape of wrestling games, and every wrestling game sincehas featured it.

You could customise your wrestlers name, entrance music, weight, height, skin tone, apparel, everything. A lot of clever people used this system to create approximations of wrestlers not in the game or even from rival companies. The only problem in WarZone was that you had to use a pre-defined move-set from one of the built in wrestlers, no custom moves here.

The main gameplay mode involves wrestling your way to the top of the WWF in a tournament style. A pyramid of monitors shows the levels of wrestlers you need to work you way through to get to the top. Occasionally a former opponent will challenge you to a ‘grudge match’ – normally a steel cage or hardcore match.

406538-wwf-war-zone-playstation-screenshot-tag-team-modesThere’s also a very serviceable multiplayer mode, with various match types;

  • Versus (1v1 Match)
  • Tag Team Match
  • Steel Cage Match
  • Hardcore (no rules) Match
  • Tornado Tag Match (where all participants are in the ring at the same time)
  • Battle Royal (3 or 4 players at the same time, first one to score a pinfall or submission wins)

The match types are very limited, although the N64 version did have a few extra modes including a basic Royal Rumble matchup.

So we’re off to a good start. But more could be done to make this game better, and around a year later, a follow-up based on this game, WWF Attitude, was released……maybe one for next time….

Danny’s Retro Rating:

home_2in1I won’t wobble on too long about personal stuff because, who gives a shit anyway, right?

But I just wanted to let my small army of followers know that things will be changing a little bit going forward. Without going into names or details, this past Friday was my last day at my full time day job. It was a great 7 year run, but it was time for a change, and this will mean a few changes to the way I do things going forward. I will be working in a new job, out of hours, which will only be for 3 nights of the week for the most part. This means that I’ll have more time to move forward with my web design work, my web hosting business, and hopefully, this YouTube channel!

So, in the coming weeks, I’ll be moving to a minimum of two videos a week. These videos will also be released mid-week as opposed to at weekends. I’m hoping to be able to re-start collaboration with Sheepeep on various videos, as well as come up with more unique gaming related content going into the future. I’m hoping to expand the beta review series in a big way, looking at obscure and interesting beta software that nobody else is covering. I think these videos are by far the most potentially interesting thing I do, even if they’re not the most watched right now.

There’s going to be a bit of a break in unboxing / review videos, likely until around the end of February. I know a lot of my subscribers love those videos, and they’re by far some of the most popular videos I do, so I’m sorry to those of you who I know will read this with passing indifference and unsub. But I’m hoping you stick around. The reason is purely because transitioning from my old job to my new one, with the various different financial juggling that is involved there, means it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to go throwing money away on stupid gadgets. But once everything settles down, I should have more money to spend on these useless things, so, those videos will pick up again big time. So please stick around for those.

Anyway, in conclusion, Washing Machines live Longer with Calgon.

This post was in no way sponsored by Calgon.

Sponsored by Calgon.